chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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