OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
