I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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