3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
