dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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