OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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