I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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