i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
