I wish I could teleport
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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