wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
