im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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