I intend to get homeless drunk
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
