whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize