Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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