We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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