my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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