So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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