don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
