Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
