ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
