Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
