I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
