I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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