im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
