if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
