i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
