You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
