She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this boner is exhausting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
