Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
