put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
