I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
