Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
