Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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