DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I want is dick and wine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
