Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
