i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
