I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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