Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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