My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
