forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
