tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
being pregnant is like rehab
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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