dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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