Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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