Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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