I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
