Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
