Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
