I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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