Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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