sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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