if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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