if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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