I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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