Umm I'm too high to move.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
