I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
