i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
