i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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