Umm I'm too high to move.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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