You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize