the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
