I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
