She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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