that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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