pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
