why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
