Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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