dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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