ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
