Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
