So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
