she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
