I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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