Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
