wake up i wanna do it froggy style
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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