Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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