We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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