Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was born a porn star she said
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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