My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
