Please, let me fuck your mom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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