idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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