She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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