I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
