i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
