i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
